my first collection

allow me to introduce u(by the help by yati peng) my first logo for my first fashion collection.
SS2014 women"s-to be continued with more sketches!

just for fun and trying out,one day i will sell my own brand myself!
cheers Milan

Dream

what is my dream, I was wondering these days....
to be a designer or a successful business woman?
I put too much energy to try to escape this questions on my relationship for the past years
And it came the time to reconsider...

The life in showroom is too boring and that is why i got too comfortable.

To be a fashion designer requires lots to do....branding,collection,fabrics,and all the rest.
I had or have the passion...still remains as a question.

But what I am sure now is that the job in showroom really upsets me.
I kinda feel its enough the time and experience talking about numbers.
afterall,get in the showroom was a decision which I was forced to do regarding the visa and money.

but I got scared to fight again,to fulfill my dream after I have this salary and visa.

I just felt my life is empty and wondered maybe its time to get married..

I knew I will regret one day.Or you can say I was already regreting or I would be happier.

Today I went to a photographer"s house and he showed me lots of his works and designs.
At that moment all I can say was dream comes true

I want to feel fight for something again,because without a dream,I felt really empty.

Maybe considering changing a job?
maybe considering to have a second job?

maybe the second one because I really can use some money.

My dream cant be just emailing clients in office or try to brand our brands.

I didnt come to Milan for these.
For more dreams and make them come true each day.

Maybe this is the main reason I cant cheer myself up.
or being needy all the time.

Go Go Go,Noticing it is the first step to move on to the steps following.

Double Spy

Recently I have to play a role like double spy.
My company and one of our best-selled brand are both the directors of this show.
Both of them want to keep their co-operation with me, however, it's not possible to work for both of them, because the best-selled brand is leaving to open their own showroom (and my manager is leaving also with them, he would like that me leave as well).

Alright, here is the thing.Since this season is the last season which the brand under our showroom.
what happened is I have to work for this brand as well, which I found it's fine because I learned a lot from my manager & the designers of the brand.

On the other hand, my showroom offers me more opportunity to create my idea regarding business management in fashion field, which thrills me a lot.

Both of them are pissed with one and another.
And unfortunately I have to secretly handle the tasks both of them gave to me.
I really cant take this role no more even just a minute.

It's so exhausted and both of them really love to try to know some secrets from me since I am in the middle.

I'd like to work in peace, and think in peace for the best  benifit for both of them.
I hate to see one of another failed because I am responsible for both.

It's getting harder and harder which I did hide myself today and tried to figure something out.

This show as I called made me realize how come my last relationship doomed at the end.
Because the anger to be alwasy in the middle, which cant be allowed to work 100% and love 100% is killing him.
Have fun 100% and love 100% also killed him.




Like today I got so pissed off to be informed I have to chose a side.

The feelings sucked, to be in the middle.

I must always remember my emotion today and thank god for awaring me in order not to make the same mistake again.

Because at some moment I had this idea ...lets get rid of both of them and I will be free again.

No wonder my relationship ends at the end.

Same anger, same desire , but different situations.

I want to say sorry , but I prefer gift him peace & space  instead of  another sorry text.

Although I am still shaking by my feelings but I am glad God leads me to this conclusion.

Week 4

Week 4
I overviewed "Love, Freedom, Aloness" by Osho severl times these months, and
treid to feel his words which teach us how to be able to love.

Practice to insert these thoughts in my mind & heart, however, I ignore the main spirit of this book which it crossed my mind just today:

To be able to love, you have to let go all the things & feelings which don't belong to love.
Jealousy, Hate, Anger, Worries, Occupied, Sadness, Depression...ect.

To feed yourself by things which belong to love:
Joy, Peace, Freedom, Happiness..ect.

I was not able to love, but I want to have love.
which I am fighting myself to "love" in both sides, in which my love includes both bad and good sides.

To let go those things helps me to find the way to love myself.

Week 4, always remember the meaning of true love.

Big Girl dont cry- It's time

It's time- to be a big girl

To my family, my friends, and to me.

A letter from a father to his little girl

My precious princess,

Regarding what happened yesterday morning, I think you must be scared.

My dear child, I know in your wonderland, there never is a thing as cruel, as sad, as death.

You must be hidden somewhere and cried for whole day and still wished it was a nightmare.

I must know you better than anyone else in this world, and that is why I wanted to write you an email.

Since you were little, everyone even the one is gone, we always called you princess.

Everyone in this family loves you like a precious treasure, and indeed you grow up happily without any worries.

This is what Mum and I want for your childhood.

Until last time you showed up suddenly, we felt your sadness.

You kept saying you were fine, and we all knew, your wonderland was broke by lots of stress.

It’s normal my love, that things normally didn’t go the way we want it.

You have to let it crashed, and you will reborn.

We all miss you and worried one day you will get hurt and unfortunately that is the only thing we can’t avoid.

We hope you will never get hurt, will go straight to the top without looking back and smile all the time.

Just as when you were little, you never scared of anything, you never ever weak, and you always say I can do it.

When you failed, the first thing you did was hiding and cried.

The next day you always came out and started to search for food like nothing ever happened.

Father knows this time, you might need more than a night to come out from the sorrow.

But we are sure you are able to make it at the end.

Even one day mum and I will not be there, we are sure; it’s not easy for my little girl to surrender.

That is what makes you special, and makes you unique.

You might doubt yourself regarding the situation now, but you shouldn’t be afraid.

Keep having the faith that nothing can beat you down, even the death.

You proved yourself already, that over thousand miles, you started to build your life.

People come and go, but you shall never forget your life is still in your hand.

Either you waste it, or you play it in your way.

It takes time though, to take another step forward.

You always take your step too fast; we can call it as brave.

Take some time to relax, you will find that you are recovering day by day.

Your life is about to start, by tasting, trying, experiencing, feeling, you are about to write your own chapter.

We can’t promise to be there all the time, but at least you own our deepest love.

That will embrace you when you are down and remind you to believe in yourself when you start to doubt.

We hope you can take a deep breath and sleep tight, however if you can’t, we are always here.

Last, we want to tell you:

You are a woman now; the wonderland fairy tale will not support your faith for long.

Its heart broken but you have to learn to be stronger.

We don’t expect you bring the fortune, because you have to realize you as a person is the fortune itself.

And remember, no matter how tough each day, tomorrow you will be able to open your eyes and fight for what you dream of again.

You just realized for some people, this is a miracle which even they prey, it is just not happening again.

Good night my dear princess, sleep well.

Love,

 

Dad  and Mom

friends

last night its my first time hangout with italian friends without my asian crew.
i found it really fun。people doesnt care where i come from。instead they were curious how come i chose italy to live my life。
its a new experience for me，for this i have to thank to Emanuele and lovely Deborh.
everyweek i get to know someone new.
no one is trying to be better than others. i was wrong to look at myself as the second race.
there might be people who will look down to me,but there certainly will be some people are open minded to hang out.
i just have to be open minded to see the world without fear.
cheers for new friends;)