Paris day 2

Last night I had a brief interview for new job after september. I didnt expect too much although its a good opportunity.
I want it comes in a very nature way.
Which I had done and if it belongs to me,it will come in a very easy way.
However,I am quite happy after the meeting.
It offers me a great opportunity to Toscany.

I can live in both Milan and also in Luca in order to do both jobs. design-selling.

I do not have a map in my hand to know what is the next step,but I should overcome the anxiousity which caused by unknow future.

When I look around,I saw beautiful creativity all over.
It's Paris fashion week ,and I am part of it now.

It's not as fablous as in the movie,but being in the circle as a small role. I think I deserve a glass of wine to celebrate.
This is the progress,and I cant forward it fast.
I must find my way to enjoy everthing happens and everywhere I am.
Stop trying to control my life in a certain way.

Tim got the point,that for the whole time,I was acting a show to my being.
in front of my being,I need to be true.
Only in this way,I will find the pure me in the back of all the thoughts and emotion.

Cheers Paris!
Cheers for progress!
Cheers for me,I am proud of being Huang Yu Yang.

Because I fought for this name and given this name a dream life which I desire.

we shall never forget to feel proud for the road we chose.
This artical delicates to all who is fighting for their dreams.

in some way,we accomplished already something.
The result......come on it's not the most important.
The progress.....its the true meaning of success.

Paris day 1

It's my first stop on business trip. I always had a bad sleep before traveling:)
I never liked Paris before my previous visit on business.However,this time I felt something different. One reason is that I found the way to chill with my manager.
I finally opened my mind and release the competition I had created to him.
I never actually enjoyed not even one second with him,but now the situation becomes easy and fun.
Maybe because I found out that he is not just a sales,which he was a good fashion designer and at the end he decided to discouver his own road in showroom.
I found the more I release myself,the more I am able to see the good side of others.
But before that,the first thing I gotta practice is to let go myself.
It's actually not from others,all the pressure,harm,disappointment,anger...it's from me.
I am quite happy that day by day I finally can easily chill out,even with the person I found really hard to get along.

Paris is raining,and luckily that I have two hours of resting time. I decided to discover sth later by myself.
Now just a cup of tea and a snap.
Btw,good thing that my period came this morning so I can prepare also things I need for traveling. Bad thing is that I really have to eat more,or get a visit to Doc. It starts to affect me in a not very bad way. like it's the second time in this month that I have my period.
Girls,eat while you can and gain weight as you can.
I tried to weight myself last night since these days I filled more food in order to get some weight back,guess what,fucking 49.2.
For this reason,once I will return to Milan,I will definately go swimming and eat more meat. hope to have a nice physical status!!

happiness also built out from good health:)
cheers!!

heavy

These days I will have to say that I am exhaused from work,houses,and traveling.
I have million phone calls and email coming everyday,and of course non stop appointments with clients and deisgners.
I felt postive but really exhaused.
But I guess this is life when a 27 year old woman needs to face.
Although I want to go to beach like those who didnt work in fashion(now its the most important season for every fashion worker,and I believe each one is busy no matter what their role is),I would like to go out for aperetivo with friends after work,or spend weekend in Pt Genova with a glass of cocktail. And dont even mention for how long I never have the chance to go shopping.
But this is the road I picked by myself.No one forced me to stay here or keep working in fashion industry. Its more than tough my life recently,except million thinga to be finished,I got problems even with my co-worker.what can I say,bitches. Since I am leaving soon,I finally get gusts to say something for myself,even ro fight formyself.
Which is goos I supposed.(although I am kind of worried that I will be more tough than before..)
Its impossible to be totally happy everyday,but I decided to enjoy every kind of emotion by my own. After all,this is life,and if I only search for happiness,then without those negtive emotion,who can define happiness.
cry out,draw it,a glass of white wine,some music then a hot shower.
Tomorrow when I open my eyes,what happened before became yesterday.
I always said,hey new start,or lets restart.
it was super silly,because after some certain rough time passes,you feel peace.you can again focus on what you want instead of forgetting everything and trying to be a new person.
be Patient ,and enjoy every moment in life.bad or good,taste it.
Today sleep early,after tomorrow ,there are two cities waiting for me o discover;)
night

Tartufo

 

Last night I went to try this restraunt in Milan where is famous for Tartufo!!

It costs only 9 euro for this plate and it tastes wonderful.

Thanks to the kindest friends who took us there, and more importantly, we did have a great time there.

I guess it's important to enjoy by yourself, and also to have always some friends who you can easily hang out with.

Before heading Paris and Berlin, guys, I had a really good time :)

Alwasy trying something new , always having good feedback.

Cheers.

 

Home

kinda describe this my new life in newhome.
Jazz,Cozy,Enjoy,Quite,Freedom,Me.
I know the point of enjoying the moment.It's been the third day that I started to live on my own.
Everything is perfect althought I tried to cook/totally forgot to buy salt.....But it has given me more energy and silence to rest for tasks each day.
I decided where to put my things,and try to keep clean.
I guess living alone means to be more responsible and allowes me to think everything I want to do with my life.
I finally again laugh without faking and accept that I am not ready to be in a relarionship.
freedom is awsome.
I recently draw every night when I came home from work.It's not perfect but it's something I'd love to do more often.
It's been week that I have no days off,but I feel really fulfilled in some way.
I am happy for the fact that this is the pure happiness whichI found by my own.what's next? who knows,but as long as I kept myself open minded for any changement in my life whether expected or not expected.
I will find my way:)
cheers everyone!!!have a nice evening.

New Home,New Job

It’s my first day in new house.
As my blog yesterday,I was really scared how would I feel today.
I feel fantastic!!:)
Not because I hate my roommates,it's because my dream came true.I finally rent a house which only belongs to me.
I feel freedom and  joyful. even I still don't have the internet setup.
But I did it,all by myself.
I am tired like hell but I am really proud of myself.
Now I know,this was what I was missing.
Regarding my new job,well,on sep,I will update with pic.
I finally decided to leave and fortunately,I found this job which allows me to get to know more about market and how to be a designer.
I am the happiest person in the world tonight.
Not because the house I own and the job I will have.
More than that,I fought for it and I observed my emotion and progress inside of me.
This time I didn't have to ask someone a favor or hoping someone will helps me.
This progress is really memorable and amazing.
Its not so easy,but its not as hard as I imagined.
cheers for my new start.
I will keep working on being so happy as tonight.
 

wish everyone luck!

via morandi

kinda sad to leave this house.
in here,I tasted youth as a student,pressure while finding a job, crazy home parties with vest friends, love as being a gf,heartbroken as being an ex,confidence as a sales,relax as being home,confuse as finding who am I,drunk as party animal,passion as setting a studio...ect.
Now I finally have to move away,as if starts a new life in other area.
I looked around,every single cornor is memorable.
Tomorrow I will have to sleep alone.
I dont know how it will be,but now I felt a little sad to say good bye to this house.
I learned that when we grow up,sometimes we must say good bye to some certain things.

I love the name of the street because I am kinda supersticious. The first time I saw a street named Felicita(happiness),I know by living here,my life will be fantastic.
I did have a great time here,and I am more than grateful to those who ever accompanied,accompanying me.
I am being a child now,hard to say good bye.

Tomorrow I am officially on my own.

New Habits-Draw and Sport

These days I've been busy moving, preparing for Sales Campaign, and finding the right position in job.

Moreover, I've tried to draw in order to express my stress from life.

This was the double paper and after I burned it, the effect is quite beautiful. Kinda rough !!








Then adding some colors!! To be honest, I didn't really think how to draw, just enjoying the fact that I have to dirt myself with crayons, and the stregth which I had to express out.




















It's like sport, one of my friends told me that he has been jogging for a period. I was suprised, becaue when he was sharing flat with me, we never did sport.
However, he told me, since when he started to have this habit, like twice jogging a week, and once swimming a week. He felt something is different.
He reccomands me to do so, because in this way, stress will not affects me that much.

I'll start next week to swim at least once a week.
Let's see what is going to change me.

Funny thing is all the spiritual boos which I was reading and currently reading, they all suggest readers to exersices. I was confused that how come !!!

Then I realized (well, still guessing) probably while you are exersicing, you can be more focus on the moment as now!

Anyway, I'll tell you how does it go after I actually try.


The summer finally hits Milan, and I decided to go to the south in August.
phone off, only when I want to write some articles.
work off, no way I will keep thinking about my work or future.
Just relax on the beach by myself and enjoy Italy!

Quite exciting, however, before that, let's work hard Milan/Paris/Berlin.

Go!

Superwowen

It's been the third news I reviewed on the yahoo.tw recently.
These women who failed their marriage had something in common:

• Tough
• high income, career
• aggresive

Before I was wondering, how come their husbands just can't accept the truth that their wives are powerful than them.
Why they can't just be more understanding..ect

Until I saw an interview on the show of one of these women, I understood how their marriage failed.

The point is self-central , which they have this in common and this is the reason their relationship doomed.

They think everything directly for their benefits.
That their husbands have more and more limits by these women get  higher postition in job.
They can't live the life they want because women are not allowing them.

No matter your a woman or a man , you have to respect the life that your lover wants. this is the key point to continue being together.

If you only think of the life you want, of course you will never imagine or try to understand what kind of life your other half wants.

He  will not be allowed either to search for their dream life.
Because no matter they are good or bad, there is alwasy something wrong.
There is always somehting wrong because it's never be your expectation.

And these women got frustrated and wondered: how come he never understands me..or try to understand me.
He doesn't know how much I will be hurt?

Just let go, no one will ever know what kind of life you want. If you keep thinking only your dream life, no matter how much he will offer, you wont find it enough.

Leave some space in your head and mind that if you are ready to love someone, you must respect the life he wants.

You have to let go the spotlight and be happy if the spotlight can be lighted on someone you love.

If you still enjoy for all the attention and spotlight, then please do not fall in love easily.
Because you will be shocked how come it can last only this short.

I had been there , even though I am not a superwan, but I wanted to be the only spotlight in a relationship.
Therefore, never ends with good result.

Practicing to not enjoying the spolight, a real person shouldnt care too much that is there someone paying attention on you or not.

The thing only matters to me is my life even I will fall in love again.
His life, it matters to me when he asks for help , because he is the only director in his movie.


To all the superwomen:
keep lighting your life in your way but let people around you has the right to enjoy their own spotlights.

Cheers!

lost and found

After I sent my CV to this company which I always dreamed of working in, I felt really nervous.
You have to be one of million to obtain this interview.

Well, for this reason , I didn't feel like doing anything today.
And the worse thing is the sales campaign is starting on this Friday, I can imagine myself lose control again during this period.
Every single time before the sales campaign, I doubted myself for getting this job for the first place.
And now I am stocked, seems like if I cant have this new opportunity in Rome, I will have to always work in showroom. Because other job I am not interested also.
Either Design or Sell.


How ironic isn't it, that design is what I will do because I am crazy in love with, and selling is something which I am really good at it.


I always complained that the only reason I got this job is to stay in Milan , and now surely I regret ed because there is no reason for me to keep staying here.


Until dinner time, I was chatting my previous coworker and happen to be  my  roommate.

From the anger of current work to the winter time in 2011.
We were running out money because I finished my stage and unfortunately my ex boss refused to hire me as an official worker.

I didn't want to head home yet because I knew that I just needed an opportunity, then everything would be different.
Too bad, that I could only do is to stay home and wait for my blackberry once a while rang.

We wanted to give another shot, which using the factory we knew to sell some production to a close client.
Amazingly, it did work out.
In one month we had 10000 euro income and we split into two.



Right that moment, I realized : that  was the the motivation to work in an actual showroom.

What happened during these years in work, bad or sad, I always could find the way to overcome.
Because I knew something better is coming, the first thing I had to do is just to survive.
No matter whoever was impolite to me, I always smiled and tried to do my best.
I know once I will have the connection and experience, that I am going to open a showroom on my own.
And that is the only way to start my own collection without wishing any investors.

Life needs passion and dreams, or life is empty and non sense at all.
I will never know people around me, close to me had noticed that I was different because I lost my faith and my dream.

However, I am grateful although I did lost something important in my life.
But now I refund that dream, seems silly and naive but hey, guess what no one had imagined that I can survive until now here.
As my title in my blog, from little country to big city. I am still here.

With my what I found today, I will keep fighting with a calm mood.
Everything I am doing now is for a better future, or should I say that I don't know my future will be better, but I am sure I will not end up working in this showroom forever.


Cheers!!!!
And in advance in case I forgot!
Thank you, whoever read or had read my blog.
It"s getting 1000 reviews !!!!
Whoever you are, I want to say thank you.
Whatever you feel after reading my blog, I still want to thank you.

And I wish everyone can find their inner peace to fight for what we dream of.

good night and again, thank you!:)

Diary

psychologist always recommends their patient to get used to write diary.
Write down those dark thoughts which the paticent has and he/she will decide to share with the doc or not.
Some selfhelp insitution such as AA encourage their group memebers to share their own experience which normally work out very well.

My previous diary was written when I was panic, or sad whatever how was..anyway negative.

However, I am grateful and proud that I wrote it down without thinking that there might be someone consider that I was crazy or too needy.


But do you believe it?

By writing down every thoughts even the bad ones, I come closer to myself.
Ancient Military Chiese Traning book  was noted that" In order to win the enemy, you must know who is this enemy and get to know him very well".

It made me to think, who is my enemy? It's someone who is prettier, smarter, more successful than me?


No, I am my biggest enemy.

When something unstandable happened to me, the first thing I would do is to text, to call in order to through this sorrow to someone else.
He / She will have to figure out how to comfort me.
Day by day, sometimes it will last only for a day but worstly it can last for months.

Emotion comes and goes, returns and restarts.
At the end, I found myself in this circle and couldn't get out.

For example, when one of my family passed away recently. The first thing that I did was to text to my ex. I knew that he would offer me  a functional speech and I would feel better.

I did feel better, but what about day after?
Just like you go to a bar and ask for a beer and you wish deeply the bartender can greeting you like free service.
If he can't greeting you, then you will not offer him a tip.
But honestly, a bartender who had already done his job well when he served you the beer.

You can try to ask for a stranger : hey, please ask me how am I doing.
He/She will respond you like this: Hey, it's your own business.

It's more than correct that it is your own business.

It proved also one of my point few days ago, please remind yourself to search for the keys on the right spot.

I will keep writing because it's such a beautiful thing to oberserve myself.

Cheers!

Weakness

To my being,

You spent the whole day busy packing and working which proved that you are trying to get away from some thoughts.By the summer is approaching, each year you became agitated, why?

By seeing everyone on the street, especially those couples dragging their luggage to take train, take airplanes. It would get you upset so easily.

You blamed to the one that how come he never chose you as a trip mate, why?

Because you're too proud to admit, that you wanted so much to take a trip in summer.

For you, that is the most romantic thing ever to drag your little luggage to go somewhere which for the whole year you was dreaming for.

You're too afraid to ask hey can we arrange a trip and see the expression on his face?

Too afraid to admit that all your friends are heading home, you will become more lonely than ever.

To admit that you want to travel the world also, to see the different cities or countries.

Too afraid to admit actually you don't have that many friends to be crazy with you, hang out or even travel to those places which you want to go so badly.

Too afraid to admit that you scare like hell to travel alone even now.

Before you came to Italy, you always on the phone to arrange wherever you wanted to go.

Friends, family, or lover they were on your call.

Because you felt comfortable to tell them, come on, please.....I wanted to go so badly.

However, here, you couldn't be so comfortable to ask, because everyone has their schedule.

Now you start to make money, not that much, but finally you can start to travel different cities to see what you desire to......you cant find nobody.

This is your deepest fear.

You never wanted to admit that as a only child how lonely is.

whenever you wanted to share something, you cant find nobody.

Whenever you are scared, you have to always pretend to be strong, because that is the only way to make parents happy and proud.

Just for once you wanted to be weak, but everyone told you that you have to be strong cause that is the way you are.

They never knew you are so tired to be always perfect, smart, and strong.

You never knew why people likes you, so you just have to keep pretending that you are not tired of this masks.

just like when you saw ur ex brought gril home,you were so sad and hurt,but still you want to make a sign that seems like you dont care.you thought that can protect you being more hurt, but the truth is you cant help crying and asking yourself why.

one of your weakness is broken, and you did find out yourself..so what would you like to do now?

The situation is still the same before you cried.

To my ego,

I decided to travel alone this summer. 

Just me, alone.

Maybe I will cry for the whole time in my trip , but at least I take my first step to accept the fact I was born alone and maybe I will be like this for the rest of my life.

It"s better get used to while I am still young, at least I can travel with my tears instead of staying in Milan and wait for someone to save me in the future.

You are right about all the points.even the one about my ex. I wanted an explaination,but I know its not my business anymore.But I did accept it,becuase I know I am not crazy.I just have to let go becuase its done its done. nothing can change the fact that we are no longer together.So I decided to face the fact I am hurt but no matter how hurt,I wont pretend again that I am fine. Now since I know what is going on in my mind, I am going to put you down first.

Leave my brain more space to fill in some travel plans and just go for it without more advance ideas.

I want to face my fear by moving by myself, traveling by myself, sharing with myself.

Then , complete myself day by day and look forward to meeting another complete person.

I am sure I will fall in love again, and I am sure by that time,even being alone wont be a sad thing.

Yes I cried, but now I felt better.

  

Pray

I 'd done everything I could to change my life, now it's not up to me anymore.
Pray!!

I wish it's not too late to follow what my heart tells me to do.
I wish it's not too late to start what I really desire to do.
I wish my courage will lead me to fight for troubles that daily happened.
I wish I'll never look back to feel sorry for what I did wrong in the past.
I wish I can stand out for myself for whatever makes me uncomfortable.
I wish I will be able to face everything which is coming by my own.
I wish my faith will always follows me wherever I go in this world.
I wish all mercy on my parents, wish them healthy forever.

I wish god will be mercy to give me a hand,  the only love will never abandon me.


Moreover, I wish I will always face the failure with a peaceful inner power.
No matter whatever is coming, becoming fearless.


God  bless me.

Power

Before I send my CV to a famous company in Rome, I"d like to write a blog to share my life recently.
It helps me to calm myself :)
As usual, vodka on the right hand side, and cig on my left hand side.

This week there is a lot going on in my life.

First, I finished reading a book : To know a new you by De Feng Chang, and opened a study group (only two / three members) to share.
Which is really great, because me and my lovely members actually read it and compared our lives until now proved the points from the book.

And now I have been reading a new one called : Practicing the Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle (the same writer wrote The Power of Now).

Which I found, the problems I had found lead me to the conclusion which I must find my own power, which comes out directly from my first hand being instead of seeking from outside.

And the point we had mentioned : surrender.

The more you fight for the situation which is done, the more you cant surrender.
To surrender does not mean your a weak person, however, it will helps you to let go all the masks you had created against to everyone and everything.

The simple way to see you surrendered or not is :
Have you tried to control everything or everyone to get what you desire?
Have you got emotional all the time just because you are not satisfied with the situation now?
Have you try to blame to everything, everyone that caused your pain or problems?

well, if you are as I was. Surrender.
Simple and easy, just to face the problems and emotions without any label and judgement.
Feel the emotions without fear or shame.
Then tell yourself, now in this moment, this is what it is.
you can to change it, but only if you surrender.
Then your decision and your movement will be done under the clear conscious.

Well, I am not a good writer, so please purchase the books I mentioned,I am sure the writer explains all your doubts.

Second, I am about to move next week.
I was hoping I can use some help but at the end I decided to handle it on my own.
Not because I felt shame, honestly I felt great that I can accomplish this by myself.
I will box everything and work with the moving company to get everything to my new home.

At beginning I felt scared to do this on my own, because that feels I am so lonely bla bla bla.
However, when I eventually called the moving company, I realized I was worried too much.
Of course I can do it by myself, although I got friends to help but it feels fantastic to know the next time I will move, either with help or not, I will be fearless.

Third, I remember a person who ever told me one time, I had to try to find my happiness on my own.
Which shocked me because I thought its totally bullshit, I will never get used to gain happiness by myself.

However, I got my second interview for design on sat, and I did present my portfolio to the owner.
He got me another contact & opportunity in famous brand  which based in Rome.
After seeing him, I was on the metro and kept thinking the possibility for me to live in Rome.
I always felt Milan is my home, and I spent four years to build out some sort of life.

Should I try to send out my CV?
But I am scared........ to be totally alone...

I know I have to try this out, to update myself and challenge myself in every single way.
Only in this way, I will gain my own power instead wishing someone, something will save me from difficulties and loneliness.

wish me luck who ever is reading this one.

And wish all of you can gain your own power,then you will find the peace is on their way.

Silence

Dear all,
I have three things to share today.
First, I would like to be happy myself to have this opportunity to interview a fantastic design studio where I have passion to work in.

I got the contact like one month ago, however, the first time I tried to call, the owner said he would like to schedule the interview and he just disappeared.

Since I have now another job to get my salary, I was thinking to let it go.

You see, when you wanted to change your life (90% of time you are still confused, and you expect changing your life might bring you the happiness. the truth is you didn't have a clue what you actually want exactly ) without a clear clue, the great opportunity never showed up.

I tried to remind myself which in these years, I never determined to do design.
One side of me I was lack of confidence, and another side of me needed visa and good salary to survive.
After a while, this dream which encouraged me to come to Milan became a fantasy, and I made myself believe this will never happen in this life.

However, I was really unsatisfied with my work where I am currently working for.
Its such a depressing thing to enter every single day and rethink to go there to waste my life.
I had to say, I considered for a long time whether to stay or not.
The promotion is coming, after a couple of years my salary will be double, and everyone might be envious of me because of my job.

But no one can feel the emptiness and unhappiness in my mind if I actually become a manager one day.

So I made a quick phone call again to the owner this afternoon after I decided no matter what I gotta try again to show up in front of them.

I must say, its a place I ever wanted to work in.
Although nothing is decided yet, the atmosphere is wonderful.
Graphic designers, Interior designer, and fashion designers who got together in the same room and talked about productions and ideas.

Its the first time I am thrilled and impressed by what is going on in the studio, just like the night before new school begins. You expected and wondered how it will be.

I wish and I must pass the second interview which is looking over my Portfolio on Sat.

Second, I went home excited and started to take out all my portfolio in school and my internship.
It was terrified to open the first page.
Right that moment, I was surprised by myself that I was once so in love with fashion design.
Each project is filled by my ideas and expressions by painting and graphic.

why I gave it up?
Why I never kept looking for a real design job in my past years working in showroom?

Then I realized, my experience in showroom revealed me what I really want to do.
I want to be found in the fabrics without no makeup and dress like a homeless person.
I want to work day and night just to finish a collection.

without this experience I probably still looking for something I might want to do.
And I am truly grateful, especially also to those people who ever treated me badly in showroom.
Thanks to who ever gave me the opportunity to work there.

I might as well still working in showroom if the owner rejects me, but I am sure the next opportunity will come to me another occasion.

Third, my lovely Tim was in the house tonight.
we talked as usual from his life to my life.

Then we had talked about the books we both read.....................Its amazing to share.
I cant write down the conversation because those are something we had passed through and we both realized from life and books.

But I wanted to review these books again in order to ready by my heart.

I was so in hurry trying to find the fast ways to get rid of my pain in the past months, however, its wrong at the beginning to read books only for answers.

The answers will come like my interview, once I passed through some life tasks.
I do not need to try or struggle, because its useless to keep looking outside for serenity.

Instead of looking inside of me in silence.

Tim reminded me this by this little story of one of my favorite books which on the first page of the book, the writer wrote this>

A girl was searching her keys in the narrow alley in a very dark night.
she was standing under the only street light, and an old man came by and started to ask: hey are you alright?

She replied: yes I am just looking for my keys...seems like I lost them.
The old man smiled and said: child, I saw you dropped your keys (and pointed to a very dark corner) there, why didnt  you try to look out there?
The girl said: because here I have the light.


There are so many ways to deal with life, however, you cant be ready for all the situation if you cant find your serenity and gain experience.

Walk every step slowly even sometimes you felt painful, but only you surrendered from the pain, and tasted the bitter, you will finally be able to find peace & you who never lose anything.

good night all!

 

health

new task,that I recently am trying to get my weight back to normal.I really dont like keep losing weight.So I start to cook again;)
This is my lovely home made lunch!
hope I can get back to the way I was!!
HEALTH IS EVERYTHING.WITHOUT IT,WE CANT REALLY PROCEED OUR LIFE PROJECT!!

Admiration-Research for ddbb by Huang Yu Yang

from Style.com /Jason Wu -SS2014.NY

from Style.com /Jason Wu -SS2014.NY

from Style.com /Jason Wu -SS2014.NY

from Style.com /Jason Wu -SS2014.NY

Dreams- delicated to Jason Wu- Taiwaness Designer who runs his collection in NY and by each season, he improves himself in RTW-


This is his SS2014 women's collection which I admired a lot.

Clean-Print-Youth-Elegant.

No wonder all the buyers would like to go to NY..
sellable peices are the most fasinating trend.

To embrace what you love and always dream for is something keeps you going ahead.
Tonight Image / sketch time :)

To a very special friend of mine:
I am really happy for you.
Being inspired is a fantastic thing, right?
Once we are open-mined, inspiration just arrives.

The main spirit of being a creative worker.
x cui, sono molto contenta x te.

Church

It's hard not to use a self-pity angle to write this article.
I'm trying to avoid telling a sad story, because I felt really good after my first church experience.

So I'll just make it short , cut it off before I start the drama like how sad I was....ect.

It's an amazing place which were full of pure people.
I felt afterwards, wow, I have to let everything down.
My protection, my sensibitlity, my emotion, my bad ideas, my mean tone...ect.

Just being there, and I felt really release from all the thoughts which ever tortured me.
People praying for each other without thinking to have some feedback.

They simply believing, just believing without a peice of doubt.

I found what I need there, a positive energy power was surrounding me.
This is the faith which I was trying to search from firends, family, and relationship.
However, I forgot to have a faith, I must accept who I am and just believe it.

I doubt all the time just in case when the bad things happen to me, I won't feel so shocked and hurt.
That is why the moment I walked out the church, I realized how many walls I built for everyone and everything.

No one is perfect, because we're human beings, however, what I can do is to accept people who they really are.

Of course before doing that, I must accpet who I really am and stop pushing myself to be  perfect.

Everyone is perfect and unperfect at the same time.

believe it, and that is it.

It's a happy day.

Thank you Lea.

which thrills me

Good morning!!

Yesterday I kept thinking of my new life, as you can see that I wrote several blogs regarding my dreams

However, until this morning I finally realize Happiness is not just about New job, Boyfriend, New dream, New personality.

It’s about what you would like to do, and you finally got the chance to do it.

My problem is actually simple , which I knew it but I was too scared or too lazy to overcome.

I don’t have my own life.

Except work, love, friends, I didn’t know what to do when I was alone in Milan, which I blamed to the reason which I don’t have so many friends.

But , I must understand, life is about even when people is not around, I still feel fulfilled and happy.

I can’t always hope there is someone around to make me feel happy or not alone.

I took this idea to go to a bd party of my friend last night.

The party is down stairs in the basement, and I was for the whole time upstairs alone.

I was playing music, because for some technical problems, the list which I gave to my friend was a mess.

So, I was totally alone, but by faking to be a DJ which made my night super fun and fantastic.

I remembered for so many times I just wanted to kill DJ in club, because they kept playing the music they liked and without noticing people didn’t want to dance.

Last night when I heard people are singing with the music, screaming for the lyrics, I was super satisfied.

I remembered once when I passed by a music equipment store,, I saw a music mixed machine, it cost not so much but I had this desire to purchase it.

It’s not like one day I actually want to change my job to be a DJ, but it will make me happy to mix some music.

I kept saying at that time, once I had a paid job, I will come by and get you home, however, I was totally forgot this great idea.

This is just an example which I found there are so many things which I want to try and just do it for fun.

I hope I can keep searching things will thrill me up even when I am alone.

I had a job which supports my daily life, but expect that, I want to be a writer, a freelance fashion designer which never stops designing my own brand, a DJ who mixes music home, once a while play in friends parties, a traveler who took off whenever is possible, a photo catcher just to catch every single interesting angle in this world.

Nothing has to be perfect; those are my ways to be happy, even the work turns out sucks.

Its not important if I actually did it, what might change to my life.

I did it for fun, and I don’t expect something might actually happen.

If you are happy, you will enjoy and focus on that moment, the thoughts will just fade away.

I feel fresh!!

Happiness Project to be continued!

my first collection

allow me to introduce u(by the help by yati peng) my first logo for my first fashion collection.
SS2014 women"s-to be continued with more sketches!

just for fun and trying out,one day i will sell my own brand myself!
cheers Milan

Dream

what is my dream, I was wondering these days....
to be a designer or a successful business woman?
I put too much energy to try to escape this questions on my relationship for the past years
And it came the time to reconsider...

The life in showroom is too boring and that is why i got too comfortable.

To be a fashion designer requires lots to do....branding,collection,fabrics,and all the rest.
I had or have the passion...still remains as a question.

But what I am sure now is that the job in showroom really upsets me.
I kinda feel its enough the time and experience talking about numbers.
afterall,get in the showroom was a decision which I was forced to do regarding the visa and money.

but I got scared to fight again,to fulfill my dream after I have this salary and visa.

I just felt my life is empty and wondered maybe its time to get married..

I knew I will regret one day.Or you can say I was already regreting or I would be happier.

Today I went to a photographer"s house and he showed me lots of his works and designs.
At that moment all I can say was dream comes true

I want to feel fight for something again,because without a dream,I felt really empty.

Maybe considering changing a job?
maybe considering to have a second job?

maybe the second one because I really can use some money.

My dream cant be just emailing clients in office or try to brand our brands.

I didnt come to Milan for these.
For more dreams and make them come true each day.

Maybe this is the main reason I cant cheer myself up.
or being needy all the time.

Go Go Go,Noticing it is the first step to move on to the steps following.

Double Spy

Recently I have to play a role like double spy.
My company and one of our best-selled brand are both the directors of this show.
Both of them want to keep their co-operation with me, however, it's not possible to work for both of them, because the best-selled brand is leaving to open their own showroom (and my manager is leaving also with them, he would like that me leave as well).

Alright, here is the thing.Since this season is the last season which the brand under our showroom.
what happened is I have to work for this brand as well, which I found it's fine because I learned a lot from my manager & the designers of the brand.

On the other hand, my showroom offers me more opportunity to create my idea regarding business management in fashion field, which thrills me a lot.

Both of them are pissed with one and another.
And unfortunately I have to secretly handle the tasks both of them gave to me.
I really cant take this role no more even just a minute.

It's so exhausted and both of them really love to try to know some secrets from me since I am in the middle.

I'd like to work in peace, and think in peace for the best  benifit for both of them.
I hate to see one of another failed because I am responsible for both.

It's getting harder and harder which I did hide myself today and tried to figure something out.

This show as I called made me realize how come my last relationship doomed at the end.
Because the anger to be alwasy in the middle, which cant be allowed to work 100% and love 100% is killing him.
Have fun 100% and love 100% also killed him.




Like today I got so pissed off to be informed I have to chose a side.

The feelings sucked, to be in the middle.

I must always remember my emotion today and thank god for awaring me in order not to make the same mistake again.

Because at some moment I had this idea ...lets get rid of both of them and I will be free again.

No wonder my relationship ends at the end.

Same anger, same desire , but different situations.

I want to say sorry , but I prefer gift him peace & space  instead of  another sorry text.

Although I am still shaking by my feelings but I am glad God leads me to this conclusion.

Week 4

Week 4
I overviewed "Love, Freedom, Aloness" by Osho severl times these months, and
treid to feel his words which teach us how to be able to love.

Practice to insert these thoughts in my mind & heart, however, I ignore the main spirit of this book which it crossed my mind just today:

To be able to love, you have to let go all the things & feelings which don't belong to love.
Jealousy, Hate, Anger, Worries, Occupied, Sadness, Depression...ect.

To feed yourself by things which belong to love:
Joy, Peace, Freedom, Happiness..ect.

I was not able to love, but I want to have love.
which I am fighting myself to "love" in both sides, in which my love includes both bad and good sides.

To let go those things helps me to find the way to love myself.

Week 4, always remember the meaning of true love.

Big Girl dont cry- It's time

It's time- to be a big girl

To my family, my friends, and to me.

A letter from a father to his little girl

My precious princess,

Regarding what happened yesterday morning, I think you must be scared.

My dear child, I know in your wonderland, there never is a thing as cruel, as sad, as death.

You must be hidden somewhere and cried for whole day and still wished it was a nightmare.

I must know you better than anyone else in this world, and that is why I wanted to write you an email.

Since you were little, everyone even the one is gone, we always called you princess.

Everyone in this family loves you like a precious treasure, and indeed you grow up happily without any worries.

This is what Mum and I want for your childhood.

Until last time you showed up suddenly, we felt your sadness.

You kept saying you were fine, and we all knew, your wonderland was broke by lots of stress.

It’s normal my love, that things normally didn’t go the way we want it.

You have to let it crashed, and you will reborn.

We all miss you and worried one day you will get hurt and unfortunately that is the only thing we can’t avoid.

We hope you will never get hurt, will go straight to the top without looking back and smile all the time.

Just as when you were little, you never scared of anything, you never ever weak, and you always say I can do it.

When you failed, the first thing you did was hiding and cried.

The next day you always came out and started to search for food like nothing ever happened.

Father knows this time, you might need more than a night to come out from the sorrow.

But we are sure you are able to make it at the end.

Even one day mum and I will not be there, we are sure; it’s not easy for my little girl to surrender.

That is what makes you special, and makes you unique.

You might doubt yourself regarding the situation now, but you shouldn’t be afraid.

Keep having the faith that nothing can beat you down, even the death.

You proved yourself already, that over thousand miles, you started to build your life.

People come and go, but you shall never forget your life is still in your hand.

Either you waste it, or you play it in your way.

It takes time though, to take another step forward.

You always take your step too fast; we can call it as brave.

Take some time to relax, you will find that you are recovering day by day.

Your life is about to start, by tasting, trying, experiencing, feeling, you are about to write your own chapter.

We can’t promise to be there all the time, but at least you own our deepest love.

That will embrace you when you are down and remind you to believe in yourself when you start to doubt.

We hope you can take a deep breath and sleep tight, however if you can’t, we are always here.

Last, we want to tell you:

You are a woman now; the wonderland fairy tale will not support your faith for long.

Its heart broken but you have to learn to be stronger.

We don’t expect you bring the fortune, because you have to realize you as a person is the fortune itself.

And remember, no matter how tough each day, tomorrow you will be able to open your eyes and fight for what you dream of again.

You just realized for some people, this is a miracle which even they prey, it is just not happening again.

Good night my dear princess, sleep well.

Love,

 

Dad  and Mom

friends

last night its my first time hangout with italian friends without my asian crew.
i found it really fun。people doesnt care where i come from。instead they were curious how come i chose italy to live my life。
its a new experience for me，for this i have to thank to Emanuele and lovely Deborh.
everyweek i get to know someone new.
no one is trying to be better than others. i was wrong to look at myself as the second race.
there might be people who will look down to me,but there certainly will be some people are open minded to hang out.
i just have to be open minded to see the world without fear.
cheers for new friends;)