Smile for Summer

Let's to make a little evaluation for the period from May to now.

May is the month when I started this project.
I was rush to search for changes, and slowly slowly, here I am writing for the short conclusion about my life.

It's been hard and tough this period, however, I did few things for myself:

• without any help, I moved out share flat, and live by my own

• without any help, I changed my job to another company which offers me more opportunity to express & to learn towards to design

• With help, I read more than 15 books
• Reconnected friendship with my friends
• Overcome the sleeping problems
• Gain 0.5 kg
• Eat more regular (including daily fruit and vegetable)
• New habits: painting and cleaning 

I wish that I can write more changes which transfered from this period, however, I can't think more than those.

One of my good friends once told me, in the entire life of being a female, the most difficult thing is transfering from a girl to  a woman.
She said: the conflicts between being a girl and a woman will tourchered you.
I asked her: how should I know when will be the day that I will transform into a woman instead of  remaining a girl.

She said: you'll never know when, but you can feel that you once passed through some conflicts. But you'll never remember what was touchering you, because once you pass through, all you will do is to look ahead and left what's in behind.

Since today is the last day of my day in showroom, I decided to gift myself a vacation to relax and without thinking anything.

Just to recollect my energy for September.

My new job, new tasks , and new chanllenge are lining up there and waiting for me already.
In this period, what I've learned the most is "A bad day can't last more than 24 hours" "A bad month can't last more than 30 days" "A bad year can't last more than 12 months" "A bad situation can't last once you decide to move on or to change"

Cheers for "everything is possible, and everything could be started over, if you believe so. All you gotta do is to simply believe."


31/07/2013 written in Milan

Progetto Showroom/Milan

It’s time to say good bye, my dear Progetto showroom, where I had worked for one year and seven months.

I remembered the first time when I stepped in, that I made a wish to start my career here, no matter better or worse, there is no way out.

The first time I bumped into difficulties, was holding my phone and cried out in the stock room.

The first time came to the table to write the first order with Italian client, and the first time I was sent to Paris and Berlin.

The first time I made café, and the first time business meeting with companies.

 The first time I fought with colleague, and the first time embraced by you guys.

There were conflicts, but there were laughers.

 

You guys taught me everything which I needed to be sales, and you guys trained me into a tough woman who fights for what I want.

 I might say lots of bad things about this company and co workers, however, at the last day, I can’t help crying again.

I am so sorry to let you down, and to decide to leave in this short time.

Forgive me still acting like a kid, but I really appreciate what I had learned from everyone who had worked with me in this place.

But I had found what I want for my next step, unfortunately that place is not here.

I always thought that at the last day, I will be more than happy and walk away.

Never thought it would be so hard…

 

After all , in some point of view, our dreams had once crossed.

And it’s sad to say good bye.

Thanks to Giancarlo, Paolo, Diego, Monica, Eliza, Chiara, and the last Lea who presented me to Progetto.

I am going to miss you guys and Progetto, the first place which I started my career in foreign country and the first place who offered me a chance to keep fighting.

It’s my time to walk to another road.

You probably never thought that I might be this upset to leave, because I never tell and never show.

Life is full of choices, and each one is harder than the one before.

It’s been hard to decide to walk away, but I wish you all the best and wish one day in the future we might meet again.

 

Some words I may not able to express in person to you guys, however, I am more than grateful to have this honor to work with you.

Thank you and Good bye for now.

From Taiwan to Italy

This week has been difficult for me, due to few days ago I had another heart attack, and since I lived by my own now, at that moment all I could think about is

If something really happened, I’ll never able to say good bye to those I love.

It happened very late, around 1.30 in the morning.

I tried to ask for help; unfortunately not everyone was available since its sleeping time.

The whole process was longer than ages, every parts of me were tumbling, and I could feel my heart could stop in any minute.

After I passed through, I started to cry out loud until morning.

I was angry how come no one hears my calls, my messages.

And I was mad of myself how come I put myself in this situation by leaving home, by leaving share flat, by being this lonely.

 

The rest of the day, I had been thinking these questions and let my emotion took me up and down.

Then at some certain point, I stopped.

 

It took few days to recollect all the thoughts and to write it down my conclusion.

 

No one is responsible for my life, and no one has the responsibility to save me when I am in danger like this.

Even the ones who loved me, who loves me or who will love me, non of them supposed to help me at that point of view.

And I have no right to call those I had asked for help “Cold Blood” because they hadn’t replied me on time.

I am here with the pain from heart attack because I didn’t take a good care of myself, I am alone because I had decided to move out from share flat, I am not familiar with ambulance, hospital information because I am in a foreign country and which I had decided also that to come here by myself for fulfilling my dreams.

There must be a price which I have to pay for having this kind of life, which the life everybody sees so amazing and exciting.

 

There is no one I can blame to even I experienced a horrible night by my own.

 

And from this point of view, I started to review my current year which I had suffered from some personal issues.

It’s been four years which I had lived in Milan, and I still can’t give up the thought that I am a foreigner.

Always wish someone to help, someone to ask, someone to accompany, someone to comfort me, someone to encourage me.

However, it’s a mistake.

In here, life will never be as easy (at least not now) as in my hometown.

Always something reminds me that I am not good enough> language problems, immigrant’s policy problems, races problems, financial problems, culture problems…everything

Keeps reminding me and testing my edge.

I just have to fight for what I need and what I want to keep my journey here.

But I made these problems happen by my own decisions, because no one forced me to stay here.

If I want to continue, then the first thing now is to give up myself pity thoughts and front it as a half Italian.

No more expectation that someone will save me from bad situations, and no more accuses for those I wish they can help but for some reasons, they can’t help on time.

I have already no reason to claim myself as a new bird in this country.

Because I decided to and I had to realize that I am responsible for what might happen to me.

It’s not fair, indeed.

To expect someone who only has four years experience in a foreign country can adjust well her life.

But no matter how hard it will be, at the end if I really can’t take it anymore, I can always head back to home.

I am here because I want to.

Just face it and I will know when this life will against to my limit.

Until then, life must go on.

New list for happiness project

After resigning from the company which I had worked for 1.8 years, tonight I finally had dinner with my boss who had once offered an opportunity for me to remain in Italy.

Surprisingly, he wasn't angry as I imagined that I left his company at all.

We both agreed and accepted the situation right now and even mentioned more regarding some cooperation projects for the following months and to keep friendly relationship in order to work again in the future.

This is a maturity I guess, that even though we couldn't fight for goals together later on, but in order to create bigger benefit, we realized that we still need each other for some certain assistance.

Although I might sacrifice my summer vacation and keep working for extra month, I feel only content instead of pity.

I had found my goal and I made my choices, which also make me realize that I have no time to waste anymore.

I got to take my chance and just speed up, work harder than yesterday in order to have a piece of opportunity to be successful in the future.

I am not jealous more if I happened see young kids, young couple on the street laughing or dragging their luggage for trips, because I knew that kind of time has passed in my life.

At this moment, I must work more and more, learn as more as I can from work, from life, and from everyone who can be my model.

For the first time, I wanted to keep working in August and take off for business trip right away.

I knew no matter how tired I will be, inside of me I will be really satisfied.

My recently life is working, meeting, dinner meeting, friends meeting, scheduling for extra work hrs.

Body can be tired, but my mind remains exciting.

I made a wish; wish that the following years I can fly more to different countries for expanding my vision, also to expand the company which I will work for.

Too boring to stop for other reason, and too wasted to give up this dream.

No one can stop me for heading to the final, and which encourages me more to work harder.

If I desire more than average, than I should give up more for archiving there (even if I won’t be able to archive, at least I have tried)

My New Happiness Project for Summer:  Tuscany (work), Lyon(language studying), Milan(cooperation project), Paris (on show)

Let's see how will it goes!

If you make a wish (which you truly want from the bottom of heart) and just believe it, the whole universe will gather to help you.

It takes only to believe it.

Cheers for discovering the expectation in life!!

Joy-Scam

This morning I finally woke up early to get my bank issue done.
Which I had to transfer my rent and apply for automatic payment every month to my landlord.

I found everyone was smiling to me, even when I said"I need to transfer my money every month to a person" in Italian..... hahahah..anyway, I was suprised how come everyone is so nice.

Made me wonder, that I shouldn't be so scared that I have to deal with these issues alone.
By trying to speak their langugage earns me some respect from the local, althought not everyone, however , it's enough to encourage me to keep improving language.
Especially after I had finished all the application, I felt super great (although it's a really easy task,but I am really happy that step and step I am fitting in the life in Italy).


Afternoon, someone called me from Vodafone (Please pay really attention) that they are promoting a new internet service, which I really need like hell this period (already survive one month without wifi home...)
Strangely he didn't mention too much about how much GB that this 19 euro will offer every month, instead he is proceeding already the contract on the internet, and inform me that after 8-10 days it'll arrive the contract.
After the contract, will arrive their co-worker to set up my wifi home  bla bla bla.

Then started to ask me:
birth
address
codice fiscale
No. Passport (which I found really wired to give someone my passport number by the phone)
Bank account number ????????????????????????????? I mean really???

I didn't give him the passport number and the bank account because like I explained to him, I really dont feel comfortable to give my personal informations on the phone with someone called me from 09xxxxxxx (not even from the office in Milan).. anyway I told him try to call me back that I'll pass to an italian friend.

He couldn't understand at the end how come I can't give him my account number and passport number.....(well, maybe because it's not normal to tell a stranger who you might never got the chance to find who he really is in the future the info so important)


nothitng really particular today, however, I felt really rested and happy.
Maybe because when I actually front my life, I found that I can or I could handle it better even without any help.

I start to  like the feelings to be independent... ;)

At work today, the lady (who had yelled at me and others already for more than years) yelled at me again.......I decided to fight back.
Which I told her, you shouldnt have to yell, this is not a serious  thing that you need to yell.
And plus you guys made mistakes as well, so really, honestly you dont have the right to yell.


For the first time that I said something back, which I should had done that long time ago.
It's not becoming one of them, but to stand up for myself.
There is a big difference between yelling and comunicating.

Which I always thinking that comunicating should be tender and be soft...however, if you just express the reality without any emotions, it's also another way to comunicate.

I am surprised by my reactions as well...but I am proud of myself.
Standing up for myself.
Cheers for a day like this.

Sunday Morning

It’s the first Sunday morning that I am off from work since I had moved in.

Last night after my practice (see the previous blog) , I fell asleep all the way to this morning.

It’s also the first time I am able to sleep for this long, well, almost 12 hours of sleeping.

I spent my whole morning enjoying breakfast, cleaning house, and laundering, morning showering.

 

Finally when I set down on the table with one of the books that I always wanted to read, I reconsidered the NY trip.

Is it another getaway from my fear?

Is it another reason to prove that I am ok?

The meaning for this trip is more or less like my trips to Vienna in April?

Or backing home in May?

 

Will I feel better after I come back from NY?

Or I will once again be in the circle which drives me run away all the time when some special days, holidays approach?

Yes, it’s certain a getaway.

 

I am afraid to staying alone in this city regards all the memories in summer time.

That will drive me crazy, I thought…

Keep running away can’t solve this problem, and I must get used to continue my life in Milan without accompany.

 

I decided to stay, the whole month in Milan, and I think I am able to figure out how to spend my life alone in vacation.

Of course it will need some plans to enjoy my vacation in an empty city, however, I believe in myself that in the end I will have lots of fun and relax being alone.

One of my friends once told me , that if I felt insecure of something, the best way to overcome is to front it.

 

So, I am going to do so.

 

“Everything happened in our life is a gift from God, if we will have enough patience and courage to open the gift, we’ll get to learn or gain something from it”

I am going to start to open the gift, or should I say start to see it as a gift.

 

Cheers for courage!

To meet the unknown self : Practice

“I am searching for the harm to be betrayed and not to be loved; I accepted it with all my heart and release the needs I require”

By my period is approaching, my mood becoming really unstable.

I tried a lot to cry it out like a baby.

Then when I calm down, I remembered that this book I read few months ago.

One chart of the book was saying that there is a reason to continue to be unhappy and stock in a bad mood.

It also says that all the life situation is projected by this needs which inside our inner.

For example, I always had problems to trust each bf that I had in the past, and I always the reason why they left because there were some other girls in their life, who are better than me..ect.

Or even when I was in a stable relationship, I always searched for clues that my other half might be cheating on me at the same time.

I am quite confused until I read this book.

It said that everyone person has some certain problems, which was affected by life experiences.

Of course we never tried to ask ourselves, what is my problem because when we are in the life situation , we often lost our mind and refused to consider all the possibilities.

However, if you think twice, you might lucky find out that some problems are caused of your fear which hidden inside of your heart.

And this fear slowly becomes a need, which requires to be fed by more pain, bad thoughts, and depression.

At the end you search for more evidence or you create another life situation for feeding, supporting this need.

There is a way to release yourself from this need, is to find out what scares you more and write down :

“I am searching for                                               ; I accepted it with all my heart and release the needs I require”

To remind yourself that everything happens in your life is just a projection from your conscious.

I am really tired of feeling hurt just because someone pressed like on some pictures, writing a sentence, uploading some pictures. And it can really make me cry for hours.

I want to be happy because I chose to be happy.

Friends say , this is who I am, so I should accept the way I am .

Well, but if I don’t feel happy about this part of me, why should I pretend that I am doing fine.

When I actually write down this sentence, feels like every doubt in my inner got released a little bit.

Like the book says> There is nobody outside, from the beginning to the end, only yourself being there.

We’ll see how my life situation will go by the practices.

To be continued!!

Cheers for trying to make a change for being happy.

Le Herrison

“It’s not important to die; important is that what you are doing when you die”

French Movie by Muriel Barbery

A Hedgehog was born with weapons, but once you have the chance to touch the body without thorn covered, you’ll find a tender heart below.

To take a step is as hurt as pulling a thorn down and it takes more than courage to let down the self defense.

A hedgehog has to take the responsibility that after taking off all the weapons, it might easily die.

A reborn hedgehog unfortunately will have to install all the thorns back, it will take a while because the wound still bleeding.

Step by step, it’ll recover.

New York City -American Dreams

New York
Yes, I am out of my mind, that I decided to go to NY for the summer.

Yes, I am a crazy bitch that even though I have so many documents to handle for Visa, I still want to give a try.

Yes, that I decided this morning, that I am heading alone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It comes the time that I have to take this adventure alone, without thinking somone is avaliable to go with me or something else.

"If your heart wants to wild, why don't you just follow your heart"

Maybe I'm not a designer yet, but I shall never give up my chance to be inspired.

I need something new, something exciting, something will nervous me for this summer.

Forget about Italian Fashion, French elegance, and all the europe impact.

Hot shorts, Headphone, Ipod, Cellphone, Flat Shoes..ect.. 

Let's go!

To meet new impact, new culture, new idea, new street, new people.

Cheers for inspiration!

Preparation for new job

Today has been hard,that after a day working,I had to dinnr with my supervisor.

With the date of finishing my old job arrives,monday I will have to sign new contract with the new company.

Plus prepare myself to Toscany and maybe Copenhagen.

I wish that I don't have summer vacation,becuase it wastes time to gain more experience.

Maybe instead of finding a place to go for relaxing,I prefer to find another job as internship.
We'll see!!

I can't imagine how my life will be,but each day I expected more to be accomplished by my own.

I wish to visit more places as I can by my work,and gaining more contacts as I can,maybe one day I will decide to go.for another country to enjoy new life there.

I sometimes immagine how NY will be,or maybe how Tokyo will be.

I wish to go.to NY for work one day and experience american life.

Then after might as well return to China to fulfill my dream.

every moment is a begining,embrace it and let it excites you.

Cheera for foreign life.

Apology

I'd like to send my apology here to someone who I was crazy in love with.

How late that I realized that I hurted you.

In Jan, during the dinner, when I refused to follow you wherever you'll go in the future, I should have realized that our relationship would end soon.

I loved you, but I also made my choice.
That I wanted to have more sucess in my career instead of being someone's gf, someone's woman.
I didn't mean to harm you but I was being really honest.

Even you said that I can count on you, however, I never wanted to become your burden.
That's the reason that I kept pushing myself to be better and better.

Until today, I realized that you're forced to make this choice by leaving me.
Because of my choice.

You're a kind person that after that night, you didn't mention anymore.

I crashed your dreams to us, to future, to fly high.
And for this I think I owe you an apology.

I dreamed about the moment when we will be ready to leave together, to chase for our dreams together in another foreign country, just you and me.

But unfortunately it's still too early to take that step.

I would like to go , when we both are ready.

Not because one of us needs to , wants to and we must to proceed together against our own willing.

Forgive me as I forgive you.

We just made our choices, and it's something we need to cheer for.

Step by step, we'll become the persons we always dream of.
Step by step, if we're meant to be, the string which connects us will never break.

Cheers!

documents

well,finally comes the day I have to register my residence and apply for ID card in Italy...
I always thought that one day I might leave so for the past 4 years I didn't really want to get these documents.

Now the problems just arrived that I need these documents for daily life.

As usual the office of Milan is slow...and they will need more time to just check and check in order to give me the ID card.

But I am not afraid to deal with it anymore,because I had too many experiences on it.

Part of being mature is to front this on my own.
I believe that  I will be more confident after the process.

Am I really a half italian now?
After 4 years in Italy made me forget the life is in foreign country.
seems like this is the life I am used to since I was a kid.

one thing can be sure that no matter in the future which country I will go,I can survive without any problems.

Definately this is the greatest experience in my life that I lived in a totally opposite cultural place and fighting for my dreams.

Cheers for chanllenges!

happiness project

Friend told me that her friend suggested her to write a daily dairy called grateful dairy.

She said : only if you are grateful each day, then you will learn to how to take each day as a cherish experience.

I smiled.

The reason why I started my happiness project was because I was suffered for a really simple reason, which I was really depressed.

Beginning from these days, I started to learn to be grateful to everything happened or is happening in my life.

I knew, and I believe something exciting, wonderful is waiting for me.

Just now I have a step to cross, and it might seems hard and lonely, however, I knew once I crossed through, I will become stronger.

Sometimes I have doubt regarding this idea of being grateful or believing something better is waiting for me.

The best solution to calm myself down is to write dairy..

I mentioned today to one of my good friend, which blog is becoming a really useful tool for me..to often reminds me that I am running my happiness project.

Reminding me that no matter what happened, this project can not be stopped, because once in my life I wish to be determined to the end.

Even blogging is not as important as saving the world…however, it became like a mirror, that every single time when I want to write an article, I am forced to face to the deepest insecure and the darkest fear.

Now that I learned one thing:

I never believed that I can be happy to be alone.

All this time I was running away from facing the fact that I must learn to enjoy my life alone.

Friends, family, lovers, are the plus, however, without the base only depends on plus, the happiness is just temporary.

I cooked for myself, I tasted wine myself, I listened to the music myself, I read myself..all the things prove that I am taking my step from a person who never believes being alone can be as fun as being with someone to slowly slowly surprised by the joy which being alone brings to me.

My other friend told me, in order to cure the insecurity, the best way is to front it.

I was afraid to being alone, because it seems like I lose all the attention, and without the attention I felt like I am no one.

And the most interesting is that when I finally learn how to be with myself, I started to receive messages from friends, who encourages me to continue my project because actually lots of people who cares of me is supporting this blog.

I want to thank all my friends or those who is reading.

I appreciate that you tried to get into my world and to understand the meaning why I started this project.

I am grateful today, because I had so much fun in work, relaxing on my way home on the tram the sun seems so warm and peace, meals are so delicious that I found my passion to cook again, and that I am still living.

By feeling, tasting, hearing, watching ..it proves that I am still alive.

I still have the possibilities to accomplish, to hunt for what I love and wish.

Step by step, I am about to start my new job, this time let me be honest with myself to say out loud what I want to  gain from work.

And bring the fun to work!!

Tuscany I am coming!

My heart leads me to Milan, and now my next stop will be Tuscany!

Cheers for away from the protecting umbrella, for the courage to new challenge!

Many thanks to Toughy, who never left and always will be as important as my brother, mentor and my best friend.

Grateful

Today I finally bought the machine for boil the water(tea lover :)) And I wa really grateful and content for my new life in new house whoch only belongs to me.
I found my passiom back for cookimg and in which I bought lots of stuff for kitchen use.
My single life finally starts,and my house has been a secret yard for all my friends :)
I have to remind myself that I choose to be happy becuase life ia too short(I read on internet that one of my idol from glee eposide passed away by overdose today,which is too shocked because he just became famous and he only has 31 yesrs old)
At some moment,I recalled something from the past,however I believe all of this will fade away by each day.
I can't do anything about the delousion but at least I can cheer myself up everyday.
Because I dont want to see myself in the upset circle again
I guess this is a way to show my love to myself,by finding expectation for my future and work hard,and most importantly have fun as much as I can without limitation.
No matter how much I tried,the situation wont change from tonight all over,why should I keep asking why??
I should ask myself,all right girl,turnaround and have some fun.
Which I am grateful becuase I felt even god is helping me to be more close to my friends,family,and expand my social circle.
Which demostrates also another thing: truly believing it without second thought,the universe will gether to help you.
Sometimes let it go is the best aspecially when you cant do nothing about it.
Being grateful and enjoy my days alone,with accompany (without is also fun for me)
Cheers for D's life!!!
a lady's life,remarkable and powerful.
its only about me my own life

meal

I finally went to buy a pot for cooking.

It's been months that I refused to cook,even I knew eating outside coats a lot....however every single time when I wanted to cook..I fell into this realy bad mood,seems like reminded me that the one who I wanted so badly to cook for is gone.

Don't know why today I went to buy it and decided right away to cook a good meal for tonight.

As usual,a glass of white wine and music.
I felt so great seems like to be reborn from dark side.

Anyway I am currently reading a book called The love of mothers is terrified.

I was really tired so I didn't read that much.
There is a sentence said: You dont have expectation for you,that is why you are putting all your heart and mind on other person.

I was shocked.....wondering the love which I gave isnt it the same thing?

What is my expectation for myself? I cant remember anymore since when I lost the expectation for my future.

I decided to try,at least just try to figure it out.

I should use my ambition to try to design。。。。then we will c。

Cheers for a beautiful night in my flat.

happiness is a choice

I met a really special friend tonight.
We were chatting about the work and others.

Then he mentioned that he is always happy.

At begining I thought it was a joke because how come a person can be always happy even some bad things happening all the time.

until he told me that his mom told him,happiness is a choise.

I finally understand...which I chosse to be unhappy for the whole time.

I said :if something bad happened,what should I do.
he said:think about something wonderful then.

Is it so easy??how come I never tried to chose to be happy.

seems like a light from the dark cloud just shown.

starts from now,I decide to chose to be a happy person.

Let's see how will it go.

Cheers for new friend,new phylosophy.

energy

"spend everyday as your last day"

This sentence has been used either in books or also in tge movies often.
I always took it as "spend each day as your last day,so try to be close with someone you love"

until this moment,I recieved a gift from God.

Recently I met quite lots of friends.
Odd thing is that these friends were there beside me,but I never let them into my life.

From work,from daily life,each day I make friends.

Funny thing is that I found so easily to hang out with them.

I started to have a real social life by having a drink after work with co-worker, by dinnering with old friends,by walking around in city at the night with new friends,more importantly I can do above also alone and dont feel sad.

And each day I went home but not feeling tired or stressful.
Which I never be able to do nothing when I am doing sales campagn  because I normally got so stressful from work.

Each day I ran out all my energy and happily fall asleep.

I guess I am starting my progress to enjoy my day in Milan.

By walking around at the night,I got the chance to fulfill the dream life I always wanted with a man.

Well,the man doesnt exist,however,I found it interesting because even without a man who can hold my hands and walking through the streets,I can still satisfied by looking around and fill myself in this romantic country.

I didn't check my phone every single minute during the time I am with my friends,work,or alone.

Becauae everything becomes so interesting and I do not want to waste time ignoring what is happenening.

The power of now had taught me a lot.

I cant wait resting well each night,because I know the next day something interesting is waiting for me.

No matter better or worse,it's gift of life.

Keep myself happy and satisfied is thw only and the most cherish task in thw world.

cheers guys for enjoying every moment.

Resign

I resigned yesterday.
A really terrible thing happened on Sunday night and made me wondered, what if tomorrow will be my last day in this world, what should I do ?

After a month of considering, I finally delivered my resign letter yesterday in person to Showroom.
With or without a job offer, I had decided to leave.

Working here is a really amazing experience I have to say honestly.
However, it tied me up too much.

Before I alwasy thinking, that I can do it, that I have all the skills to accomplish the tasks.
Then I realized that this job which I am doing currently requries more than two persons to achieve.

I have to stop pushing myself just to prove how great I am and how good I can be.
Insisting had just gained me too much pressure and stress which I couldn't live my own life well.

Surely, some people might says to me , it's because you didn't work hard enough, because you are a quiter, because you can't stand the stress like a grown up woman.

Well, I had been in person in the situation, and I don't feel anything like that above. So..I don't think that I will feel shame when someone talkes about this.

I tried my best and I felt sorry for the company which they recived this news in such short of time.
However, this is my life we are talking about.
I wanted to be honest to myself and be nice to myself.
Life is too short to waste on doing something I don't enjoy.

This time I didn't make this decision under stress or someone actually be forced.
I felt calm even I'm still waiting for another offer.

Start over & end up is the most normal thing in the life, that I shall never be afraid of.
Follow the heart, and it'll lead me to where I belong in each moment.

Cheers Progetto Showroom, you had taught me enough for moving on to next step.

House-changed
Job-quited
Love-good bye

New life is in the front of me, what should I complian more :)

break

I am so tired though,these morning I can't even get out of my bed.
I count it.....it's almost one month and I had just one day off.

is that even right?
how come I dont feel good or cool.

Body condition -low
Mood condition-low
weight—————low

if every single time comes campaign I always feel like shit, Then during the year,i will have this shit mood for four seasons.....

That's the first thing I wrote this morning when I woke up.

After 40 mins,now I can understand where this bad mood comes from,after all it's not the first time I felt thia way.

I kept working for higher position ,better condition just because I think often,it might be more easy if I can get out from this situation. It won't be more easy the life,and I should stop thinking it in this naive way as a child.

Lots of people has more time to figure that out,from a child to grown up.
unfortonately we don't(refers to who study or work.in aborad).
Not because we are better,because we have to treat each year as the last year in foreign country.
We don't know there is visa for the next year or not.

So we just have to run as further as we can.
However to me, my body is moving,but my mind still remains like a child.
telling oh it's not fair,expecting people to say yes you work too hard,or even got pissed off because I cant enjoy my weekend as others,going to be beach,hanging out with friends.....ect

I should see this coming when the time I determined to have a career here, that nothing is fair,that I have to work 200% harder to prove myself in foreign country,that I have to stand even I have to work for a month without a day off.
Because I am not child anymore. This is my opportunity for now,I just have to shut my mouth and keep moving.

It's hard,really hard,but who doesnt face the same situation as I do now.

Grow up!!
Things are never easy,and life will never be easy.

I want to be successful,and I have to work harder and harder,one day more than yesterday.

Before to get good success,must be sacrisfied things.

Cheers for hard life,only in thi way,we will create sth extrondinary in our once life.

connection

Life is full of suprices!
Today I was a little bit down with some personal issue.
And I am more sure that I need to focus on my career,instead of thinking more about other part of life.

After all,I desire to have more in my job,and of course to be  more succesful than now.
so stay alone and fight for what I need and want is the only thing which will help me to move faster.

anyway, today a new opportunity showed up to me.
I worked for showroom maybe for this reason as well.

I happenedly knew a buyer who is from hk,and this time in Paris we've chat more than usual.
(found out his gf is actually my classmatw in college)

Anyway,tonight we chat a little bit regarding an opportunity to cooperate.
Which I never expected and ot just happened.

A new chinese brand is growing up very fast like Jason Wu,and I heard they were searching for someone to lead their showoom in Milan.
I was really thinking to send my cv and rest,but at the end I thought thw fact lacking experience,I gave up.

This friend of mine tonight proposed the opportunity to cooperate for leading a showroom in Milan............

He needs someone who is from hometown and also knows the clients better in europe.

I cant believe it...........it's been a shock,although he is still finding his way to set all thw stuff,but I am more than willing to jump on.

That is why I said life is totally amazing becuase once you determined to accomplish sth,and stop feeling sorrow for those you cant have now.

opportunities will come along.
I.think god wants me to discover this by my own.

It knows now it's more than important to make my dream come true.

It will be the first thing I will accompish my work ever in my life.

something in my hand concrete.
Connection...wow

I wish things will actually happen,but if not,I will accept it in peace.

the opportunity will at the end come again.

Cheers for having my own life!
Grande!!!!

result 03-07-2013

I wanted to report my recent life in a very detail way.

But I never got the right moment and right mood to write it.
By traveling around,I felt reborn in a very postive way.

In a week,I traveled Paris and Berlin,which are the two cities I never ever interested and liked before.
However,this time,the opinion I insisted totally changed.
I fell in love with these two cities by just watching and everything suprised me.

I walked down alone the same street these days in these cities,and I think I found the true meaning of traveling.

No more checking for texts,no more aggitating,no more thinking what happened,no more self-sorrow and moreover,I don't feel tired by just walking around alone.

I wish so much that one day I can come back witout co-worker...so I can explose the city on my own.

Feels really relaxing even after 8 hr working in Trade Show.

keep practicing and explosing cities traveling,which I am sure one day I can travel alone to the places such as Istanbul and Africa.

I had decided in August I will start to learn another language such as French or Spanish in order to travel further.

Step by step , no hurry and no worries.

I made only one promise to myself,that never ever stop what I am doing or fighting just becuase I think about my past and the future.

fall in love myself and traveling are the two best results I have now ever since I started my happiness project.

What will I find the next? I can't wait to experiencing.

What I find in Berlin

celebration + scelta

I have to say,god always offers me this opportunity to make a chiose.
And sincerely that it's always been difficult for me to decide a thing.

I still in the decision progress,but I know that at this moment,it requires more silence than ever.

To stay alone and try to think every single little angle in the most calm way ever.

My next stop will be Berlin,and luckily tonight I have some time back home to relax a little bit.

Some jazz will help and of course some wine :)

Before I always have problem with wine, that right after I got dizzy, my emotion becomes really awful.

It's such a good thing to get to enjoy the wine and afterwards to feel peace and aloness.

I love this tone of life,althought people kept reminding me that I have my future to consider.

However,what will come,it will come.

Life in Paris is becoming fasinating because slow tone.

Remember I had written this article of being french woman?

When the time I wanted so badly to be that kind of woman,the more I tried the more I messed up my mind.
Now I look back,well,I don't know that I am which kind of woman,however; I felt something remain in peace inside of me.

I can focus totally in my work without thinking messages,mood,future.
And when I head home,it's totally empty.....that I found so nice to hang out with myself.
I am sorry that I didnt text back so much as before,not becuase I am mad or sad.
Its becuase I am addicted enjoying my own space and time.
Cheers for Paris trip.

:)