Pray

I 'd done everything I could to change my life, now it's not up to me anymore.
Pray!!

I wish it's not too late to follow what my heart tells me to do.
I wish it's not too late to start what I really desire to do.
I wish my courage will lead me to fight for troubles that daily happened.
I wish I'll never look back to feel sorry for what I did wrong in the past.
I wish I can stand out for myself for whatever makes me uncomfortable.
I wish I will be able to face everything which is coming by my own.
I wish my faith will always follows me wherever I go in this world.
I wish all mercy on my parents, wish them healthy forever.

I wish god will be mercy to give me a hand,  the only love will never abandon me.


Moreover, I wish I will always face the failure with a peaceful inner power.
No matter whatever is coming, becoming fearless.


God  bless me.

Power

Before I send my CV to a famous company in Rome, I"d like to write a blog to share my life recently.
It helps me to calm myself :)
As usual, vodka on the right hand side, and cig on my left hand side.

This week there is a lot going on in my life.

First, I finished reading a book : To know a new you by De Feng Chang, and opened a study group (only two / three members) to share.
Which is really great, because me and my lovely members actually read it and compared our lives until now proved the points from the book.

And now I have been reading a new one called : Practicing the Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle (the same writer wrote The Power of Now).

Which I found, the problems I had found lead me to the conclusion which I must find my own power, which comes out directly from my first hand being instead of seeking from outside.

And the point we had mentioned : surrender.

The more you fight for the situation which is done, the more you cant surrender.
To surrender does not mean your a weak person, however, it will helps you to let go all the masks you had created against to everyone and everything.

The simple way to see you surrendered or not is :
Have you tried to control everything or everyone to get what you desire?
Have you got emotional all the time just because you are not satisfied with the situation now?
Have you try to blame to everything, everyone that caused your pain or problems?

well, if you are as I was. Surrender.
Simple and easy, just to face the problems and emotions without any label and judgement.
Feel the emotions without fear or shame.
Then tell yourself, now in this moment, this is what it is.
you can to change it, but only if you surrender.
Then your decision and your movement will be done under the clear conscious.

Well, I am not a good writer, so please purchase the books I mentioned,I am sure the writer explains all your doubts.

Second, I am about to move next week.
I was hoping I can use some help but at the end I decided to handle it on my own.
Not because I felt shame, honestly I felt great that I can accomplish this by myself.
I will box everything and work with the moving company to get everything to my new home.

At beginning I felt scared to do this on my own, because that feels I am so lonely bla bla bla.
However, when I eventually called the moving company, I realized I was worried too much.
Of course I can do it by myself, although I got friends to help but it feels fantastic to know the next time I will move, either with help or not, I will be fearless.

Third, I remember a person who ever told me one time, I had to try to find my happiness on my own.
Which shocked me because I thought its totally bullshit, I will never get used to gain happiness by myself.

However, I got my second interview for design on sat, and I did present my portfolio to the owner.
He got me another contact & opportunity in famous brand  which based in Rome.
After seeing him, I was on the metro and kept thinking the possibility for me to live in Rome.
I always felt Milan is my home, and I spent four years to build out some sort of life.

Should I try to send out my CV?
But I am scared........ to be totally alone...

I know I have to try this out, to update myself and challenge myself in every single way.
Only in this way, I will gain my own power instead wishing someone, something will save me from difficulties and loneliness.

wish me luck who ever is reading this one.

And wish all of you can gain your own power,then you will find the peace is on their way.

Silence

Dear all,
I have three things to share today.
First, I would like to be happy myself to have this opportunity to interview a fantastic design studio where I have passion to work in.

I got the contact like one month ago, however, the first time I tried to call, the owner said he would like to schedule the interview and he just disappeared.

Since I have now another job to get my salary, I was thinking to let it go.

You see, when you wanted to change your life (90% of time you are still confused, and you expect changing your life might bring you the happiness. the truth is you didn't have a clue what you actually want exactly ) without a clear clue, the great opportunity never showed up.

I tried to remind myself which in these years, I never determined to do design.
One side of me I was lack of confidence, and another side of me needed visa and good salary to survive.
After a while, this dream which encouraged me to come to Milan became a fantasy, and I made myself believe this will never happen in this life.

However, I was really unsatisfied with my work where I am currently working for.
Its such a depressing thing to enter every single day and rethink to go there to waste my life.
I had to say, I considered for a long time whether to stay or not.
The promotion is coming, after a couple of years my salary will be double, and everyone might be envious of me because of my job.

But no one can feel the emptiness and unhappiness in my mind if I actually become a manager one day.

So I made a quick phone call again to the owner this afternoon after I decided no matter what I gotta try again to show up in front of them.

I must say, its a place I ever wanted to work in.
Although nothing is decided yet, the atmosphere is wonderful.
Graphic designers, Interior designer, and fashion designers who got together in the same room and talked about productions and ideas.

Its the first time I am thrilled and impressed by what is going on in the studio, just like the night before new school begins. You expected and wondered how it will be.

I wish and I must pass the second interview which is looking over my Portfolio on Sat.

Second, I went home excited and started to take out all my portfolio in school and my internship.
It was terrified to open the first page.
Right that moment, I was surprised by myself that I was once so in love with fashion design.
Each project is filled by my ideas and expressions by painting and graphic.

why I gave it up?
Why I never kept looking for a real design job in my past years working in showroom?

Then I realized, my experience in showroom revealed me what I really want to do.
I want to be found in the fabrics without no makeup and dress like a homeless person.
I want to work day and night just to finish a collection.

without this experience I probably still looking for something I might want to do.
And I am truly grateful, especially also to those people who ever treated me badly in showroom.
Thanks to who ever gave me the opportunity to work there.

I might as well still working in showroom if the owner rejects me, but I am sure the next opportunity will come to me another occasion.

Third, my lovely Tim was in the house tonight.
we talked as usual from his life to my life.

Then we had talked about the books we both read.....................Its amazing to share.
I cant write down the conversation because those are something we had passed through and we both realized from life and books.

But I wanted to review these books again in order to ready by my heart.

I was so in hurry trying to find the fast ways to get rid of my pain in the past months, however, its wrong at the beginning to read books only for answers.

The answers will come like my interview, once I passed through some life tasks.
I do not need to try or struggle, because its useless to keep looking outside for serenity.

Instead of looking inside of me in silence.

Tim reminded me this by this little story of one of my favorite books which on the first page of the book, the writer wrote this>

A girl was searching her keys in the narrow alley in a very dark night.
she was standing under the only street light, and an old man came by and started to ask: hey are you alright?

She replied: yes I am just looking for my keys...seems like I lost them.
The old man smiled and said: child, I saw you dropped your keys (and pointed to a very dark corner) there, why didnt  you try to look out there?
The girl said: because here I have the light.


There are so many ways to deal with life, however, you cant be ready for all the situation if you cant find your serenity and gain experience.

Walk every step slowly even sometimes you felt painful, but only you surrendered from the pain, and tasted the bitter, you will finally be able to find peace & you who never lose anything.

good night all!

 

health

new task,that I recently am trying to get my weight back to normal.I really dont like keep losing weight.So I start to cook again;)
This is my lovely home made lunch!
hope I can get back to the way I was!!
HEALTH IS EVERYTHING.WITHOUT IT,WE CANT REALLY PROCEED OUR LIFE PROJECT!!

Admiration-Research for ddbb by Huang Yu Yang

from Style.com /Jason Wu -SS2014.NY

from Style.com /Jason Wu -SS2014.NY

from Style.com /Jason Wu -SS2014.NY

from Style.com /Jason Wu -SS2014.NY

Dreams- delicated to Jason Wu- Taiwaness Designer who runs his collection in NY and by each season, he improves himself in RTW-


This is his SS2014 women's collection which I admired a lot.

Clean-Print-Youth-Elegant.

No wonder all the buyers would like to go to NY..
sellable peices are the most fasinating trend.

To embrace what you love and always dream for is something keeps you going ahead.
Tonight Image / sketch time :)

To a very special friend of mine:
I am really happy for you.
Being inspired is a fantastic thing, right?
Once we are open-mined, inspiration just arrives.

The main spirit of being a creative worker.
x cui, sono molto contenta x te.

Church

It's hard not to use a self-pity angle to write this article.
I'm trying to avoid telling a sad story, because I felt really good after my first church experience.

So I'll just make it short , cut it off before I start the drama like how sad I was....ect.

It's an amazing place which were full of pure people.
I felt afterwards, wow, I have to let everything down.
My protection, my sensibitlity, my emotion, my bad ideas, my mean tone...ect.

Just being there, and I felt really release from all the thoughts which ever tortured me.
People praying for each other without thinking to have some feedback.

They simply believing, just believing without a peice of doubt.

I found what I need there, a positive energy power was surrounding me.
This is the faith which I was trying to search from firends, family, and relationship.
However, I forgot to have a faith, I must accept who I am and just believe it.

I doubt all the time just in case when the bad things happen to me, I won't feel so shocked and hurt.
That is why the moment I walked out the church, I realized how many walls I built for everyone and everything.

No one is perfect, because we're human beings, however, what I can do is to accept people who they really are.

Of course before doing that, I must accpet who I really am and stop pushing myself to be  perfect.

Everyone is perfect and unperfect at the same time.

believe it, and that is it.

It's a happy day.

Thank you Lea.

which thrills me

Good morning!!

Yesterday I kept thinking of my new life, as you can see that I wrote several blogs regarding my dreams

However, until this morning I finally realize Happiness is not just about New job, Boyfriend, New dream, New personality.

It’s about what you would like to do, and you finally got the chance to do it.

My problem is actually simple , which I knew it but I was too scared or too lazy to overcome.

I don’t have my own life.

Except work, love, friends, I didn’t know what to do when I was alone in Milan, which I blamed to the reason which I don’t have so many friends.

But , I must understand, life is about even when people is not around, I still feel fulfilled and happy.

I can’t always hope there is someone around to make me feel happy or not alone.

I took this idea to go to a bd party of my friend last night.

The party is down stairs in the basement, and I was for the whole time upstairs alone.

I was playing music, because for some technical problems, the list which I gave to my friend was a mess.

So, I was totally alone, but by faking to be a DJ which made my night super fun and fantastic.

I remembered for so many times I just wanted to kill DJ in club, because they kept playing the music they liked and without noticing people didn’t want to dance.

Last night when I heard people are singing with the music, screaming for the lyrics, I was super satisfied.

I remembered once when I passed by a music equipment store,, I saw a music mixed machine, it cost not so much but I had this desire to purchase it.

It’s not like one day I actually want to change my job to be a DJ, but it will make me happy to mix some music.

I kept saying at that time, once I had a paid job, I will come by and get you home, however, I was totally forgot this great idea.

This is just an example which I found there are so many things which I want to try and just do it for fun.

I hope I can keep searching things will thrill me up even when I am alone.

I had a job which supports my daily life, but expect that, I want to be a writer, a freelance fashion designer which never stops designing my own brand, a DJ who mixes music home, once a while play in friends parties, a traveler who took off whenever is possible, a photo catcher just to catch every single interesting angle in this world.

Nothing has to be perfect; those are my ways to be happy, even the work turns out sucks.

Its not important if I actually did it, what might change to my life.

I did it for fun, and I don’t expect something might actually happen.

If you are happy, you will enjoy and focus on that moment, the thoughts will just fade away.

I feel fresh!!

Happiness Project to be continued!