Silence

Dear all,
I have three things to share today.
First, I would like to be happy myself to have this opportunity to interview a fantastic design studio where I have passion to work in.

I got the contact like one month ago, however, the first time I tried to call, the owner said he would like to schedule the interview and he just disappeared.

Since I have now another job to get my salary, I was thinking to let it go.

You see, when you wanted to change your life (90% of time you are still confused, and you expect changing your life might bring you the happiness. the truth is you didn't have a clue what you actually want exactly ) without a clear clue, the great opportunity never showed up.

I tried to remind myself which in these years, I never determined to do design.
One side of me I was lack of confidence, and another side of me needed visa and good salary to survive.
After a while, this dream which encouraged me to come to Milan became a fantasy, and I made myself believe this will never happen in this life.

However, I was really unsatisfied with my work where I am currently working for.
Its such a depressing thing to enter every single day and rethink to go there to waste my life.
I had to say, I considered for a long time whether to stay or not.
The promotion is coming, after a couple of years my salary will be double, and everyone might be envious of me because of my job.

But no one can feel the emptiness and unhappiness in my mind if I actually become a manager one day.

So I made a quick phone call again to the owner this afternoon after I decided no matter what I gotta try again to show up in front of them.

I must say, its a place I ever wanted to work in.
Although nothing is decided yet, the atmosphere is wonderful.
Graphic designers, Interior designer, and fashion designers who got together in the same room and talked about productions and ideas.

Its the first time I am thrilled and impressed by what is going on in the studio, just like the night before new school begins. You expected and wondered how it will be.

I wish and I must pass the second interview which is looking over my Portfolio on Sat.

Second, I went home excited and started to take out all my portfolio in school and my internship.
It was terrified to open the first page.
Right that moment, I was surprised by myself that I was once so in love with fashion design.
Each project is filled by my ideas and expressions by painting and graphic.

why I gave it up?
Why I never kept looking for a real design job in my past years working in showroom?

Then I realized, my experience in showroom revealed me what I really want to do.
I want to be found in the fabrics without no makeup and dress like a homeless person.
I want to work day and night just to finish a collection.

without this experience I probably still looking for something I might want to do.
And I am truly grateful, especially also to those people who ever treated me badly in showroom.
Thanks to who ever gave me the opportunity to work there.

I might as well still working in showroom if the owner rejects me, but I am sure the next opportunity will come to me another occasion.

Third, my lovely Tim was in the house tonight.
we talked as usual from his life to my life.

Then we had talked about the books we both read.....................Its amazing to share.
I cant write down the conversation because those are something we had passed through and we both realized from life and books.

But I wanted to review these books again in order to ready by my heart.

I was so in hurry trying to find the fast ways to get rid of my pain in the past months, however, its wrong at the beginning to read books only for answers.

The answers will come like my interview, once I passed through some life tasks.
I do not need to try or struggle, because its useless to keep looking outside for serenity.

Instead of looking inside of me in silence.

Tim reminded me this by this little story of one of my favorite books which on the first page of the book, the writer wrote this>

A girl was searching her keys in the narrow alley in a very dark night.
she was standing under the only street light, and an old man came by and started to ask: hey are you alright?

She replied: yes I am just looking for my keys...seems like I lost them.
The old man smiled and said: child, I saw you dropped your keys (and pointed to a very dark corner) there, why didnt  you try to look out there?
The girl said: because here I have the light.


There are so many ways to deal with life, however, you cant be ready for all the situation if you cant find your serenity and gain experience.

Walk every step slowly even sometimes you felt painful, but only you surrendered from the pain, and tasted the bitter, you will finally be able to find peace & you who never lose anything.

good night all!