Being/ Myself or Ego?

Ok, I think it’s the right time to speak of the main happiness theme which I tried to avoid last week: being myself

I decided to leave to until I am ready to try because I think it would be too fast to mention it.

The reason was because I thought it would be too fast to add, because last week I had something important subjects to practice.

Such as give someone a break: when someone really pissed me off or upset me, I had to use this thought to forgive, turns out I didn’t get so nervous and anxious all the time. Probably due to the fact I took my steps really slow and since I kind of accepted that the world changed so fast that I should be so grateful for what I had seen and had. And if I tried to focus on the present, I still didn’t feel enough time to see the world and find time for myself, I couldn’t take the risk to waste my time in anger and worry for the stuff caused by other people.

Such as being nice to myself : unfortunately expect this blog, I still have two business plan on the road. And since I am addicted to write by hand (which helps me to think towards to professional strategy , idea and business point of view), it went really slowly (after these years in Italy..this is the habit I learned J ) so I didn’t really sleep enough 8 hours a day. On the opposite I slept less and less. (I believed this will upset my mood soon..so tonight I must quite my daily book reading and try not to spend so much time on blogging). However, I tried to give myself a positive angle to think, to live and to laugh.

Eating in healthy way and still force myself at least take a walk daily helps me to have a little bit confidence to my body (seems like my energy comes back a little and less tiring feelings).

Such as trying something new:  So far this is the main key I felt it helps more. I was too afraid to change, not even a street or a food even I knew it would be nasty.

However, I am more than excited to know what I haven’t tried yet and what I was not able to do because I was too scared, and then make my plans even that cost money.

I sort of rebuilt some kind of my confidence, and yes I still act like child screaming for whatever I put into my mouth and whatever interested my vision.

But I felt living, and I felt step by step is another communication to get closer to me.

Such as stop competition: well, as a girl who has a brain works nonstop  that I have to say, it’s so hard not to pop out a word when some kind of sfigati (Italian/means uncool people who thinks they are cool) walked by.

But by trying to observe myself when this idea crossed my mind, I felt great because maybe for the near future, before this idea will pop out, it will be in advance to reduce it.

These practices I am trying will get me into this point of view: be myself politely

I know myself more by getting closer each day, and I would like to practice to bring my character into this project.

I found that I hate to be taken care, maybe sometimes it’s really sweet, but at the end if will make me feel like I a retard without ability to look after myself.

I desire to be a woman who own a career, a strong personality, a life (which it can’t be only includes work and hang out with friends or stay home watching movies) and the ability to take care of others.

I want to always keep the childlike personality (which makes me scream and yell whenever I felt excited) , not because I wanted to be cute, its cause it always brings me unexpected taste and vision. Or I should say no matter its good or bad, I can’t and I don’t want to change.

Those are the goals for now I want to practice and achieve.

For example, I found to those who are closer to me, it’s so hard to tell them that I really never like negative energy around when  I want to be alone.

It sucks and it will affect me especially when I have to be there for the whole time.

Everything I said might become a weapon to hurt their feelings or everything I might react.

I don’t want to make myself now look like I am showing off, because I knew that before I noticed, I was really good to share my negative energy by trading the positive ones from others.

But I did anyway today, I clearly told my friend: hey it’s not my fault that you decided to give up. If it’s your own decision, feel good about it. Do not try to make me feel awful just because I am able to do things you want to do.

I won’t feel a sense of guilt; instead I just want to run faster and farther.

Familiar to what happened to me few months ago, and I can feel it right on me. That sucks.

I know my reply might do some harm to my friendship with this friend, but I need to be myself in this occasion.

Make myself happy is the original idea of the project, and surly it’s not to make myself to be a saint.

It’s quite difficult to being polite which I tried, but at least for the first time I am not afraid to say what’s in my mind to this shy friend.

Today is a beginning, to be continued by more examples how to make people happy with politeness when being she or he?

Good night everyone whoever reads my blog.